Why can't my son answer the English deparment admission test in Bengali?

(insistent parent)

- heard at Presidency College, Kolkata

Is it absolutely necessary for my daughter to come for her admission test herself?

(asked by confused parent trying to submit admission form)

- heard at Presidency College, Kolkata

Where can I find the respective department?

(asked by confused parent trying to submit admission form)

- heard at Presidency College, Kolkata

"Go see a shrimp!"

-helpful advice from a friend over MSN.

Aatyohatya.

Ekti Naarir joley jhapiye aatyohatyaar prayash.
....Jhopaaaaaaassssssshhhh.

(Post Modern Bengali Poetry)

- Heard in Lake Gardens.

1. A student's leave letter :
"As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class...."
---------------------------------------------

2. A candidate's application :
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past several years and I can handle both, I am applying for the post."
---------------------------------------------

3. I.T.I., Bangalore:
An employee applied for leave as follows :
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave. "
---------------------------------------------

4. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows :
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
---------------------------------------------

5. A leave letter to the headmaster :
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
---------------------------------------------

6. An incident of a leave letter :
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
---------------------------------------------

7. Another leave letter written to the headmaster :
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day. "
---------------------------------------------

8. A covering note :
"I am enclosed herewith..."
---------------------------------------------

9. From H.A.L. Administration dept :
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
---------------------------------------------

10. Actual letter written for application of leave :
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
---------------------------------------------

11. Letter writing :
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
---------------------------------------------

12. Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding :
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

(a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India)

- received by email

Display on butcher's window:

Let me meat your needs.

- On an AIM matchbox

WHEN U ALREADY START READING THIS DONT STOP OR ELSE SUMTHIN BAD WILL HAPPEN ..... MY NAME IS TEDDY...I AM 7 YEARS OLD WITH BLONDE HAIR AND SCARY EYES. I HAVE NO NOSE OR EARS. I AM DEAD. IF U DO NOT SEND THIS TO 15PPL IN THE NEXT 5 MIN., I WILL APPEAR TONIGHT BY YOUR BED WITH A KNIFE AND KILL YOU. THIS IS NO JOKE SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO U TONIGHT AT 10:22. SOMEONE WILL CALL U OR TALK TO U ONLINE AND SAY I LOVE YOU. DONT BREAK IT...

-- received on Yahoo! Messenger

Meet the Fuckers

Fucking It Up For The Next 4 Years!

- Under a picture of Cheney, Rice and Bush

(On a T-shirt on sale in San Fransisco )

Credit: Expiring_Frog

For lovers who will leave no stones unturned!

Patthar ke Sanam!!!

Passionate Jewellery.

(Billboard for The Gold Factory)

--seen from the Dhakuria flyover.

Enquire inside for permanent positions

Available positions

TEMPS

-- seen at an employment agency in Ipswich, UK

You may commit nuisance here.

--seen outside a makeshift public urinal in Shillong

In society, ladies first
In plant , safety first

--seen at the BRPL plant in Bongaigaon, Assam

Welcome - Banging Area

--seen at the BRPL plant in Bongaigaon, Assam

It is fine to drive over Zebra Crossing when pedestrian is crossing.

--seen on a guideline from the Indian Motorways Department in a cab in Shillong

Sex Power Fail !!! Enquire Dr. XXX having 20 years experience

seen on a poster in Shillong

Drive Slowly - Someone is wetting for you at home

--seen on a highway in Assam

On Emergency Milk Duty.

(cardboard sticker in front of a dirty white ambassador)

--seen on the E.M.Bypass.

The New My Shop

(English sub-title)
Allthing Aveluble!

(In large Bengali fonts in front of a stationery goods + paan-birir dokan )

- seen at Belghoria, in the North 24 Parganas

Electricity theft is a crime. Do not be a hooker.

(Placards put up by the C.E.S.C.)

- seen all over Calcutta

WELL DRESS

S.T.D./ I.S.D./ Xerox

(Sign outside a shop)

-seen on Babubagan Lane, Kolkata

(front)

Do you know who I am...

(back)

G.O.D.

Biplab From G.O.D

(and in a corner near the hem of the kurta):

G.O.D. - Garden Of Death

(On a kurta with a hand painted typically Bangali rural scene with a cottage and a taal gachh and Flash Gordon.)

-seen in Kolkata

Eat + Drink + Man + Woman ... followed by telephone number (available on request)

(sign)

- seen at Central Business District, Shanghai

"Absence & indecent behaviour ... will be taken action against"

(sign)

- seen at East Gate, Central Park, Salt Lake

No Smoking Penalty Rs. 200.

(Sign on Railway Station)

- seen at Tikiapara, West Bengal

New Masuca Parlour

Jobs related to Beauty done here.

( sign for all to behold)

- seen on Babubagan Lane, Kolkata

Chetla Foot Club

(Painted under a Hanuman shrine)


-seen in Chetla, Kolkata

"zehr hai ki pyaar hai tera chumma"

(Lyrics to a Bollywood number)

-heard all over India, circa 1995

Eco-Stat-Maths.

Carrier-oriented course.

(Newspaper advertisement placed by Bhawanipur College, Kolkata)

-seen in The Telegraph, Calcutta

Staff only.

(Tacked on to the branch of a solitary tree)

- seen along the Kona expressway, West Bengal

Tomake partei hobey, manob.

Tomake ghorar dim partei hobey.

(Yet again)

- why bother

It is far better to be pissed off than to be pissed on.

(an all-time classic from the Beatnik Baba)


- heard in La Martiniere, 8 years ago

People tell you to trust your gut feeling; until you realise that your gut has no feeling.

(more pearls of wisdom from the Beatnik Baba)

- does it matter?

The mind is like a drunken monkey. If you titillate it, it wants to get higher.

(by the Beatnik Baba)

- anywhere

They are not dead...
They are alive for you in the gunpowder...LIKE BURNING STICKS!!!

(Promotional message for the recently-concluded JU Arts Faculty elections)

-seen inside Gate Number 4, Jadavpur University

There Is Something Black In The Yellow Lentil Soup.

(Book title under 'Indian Fiction')
-seen at Landmark, Lord Sinha Road.

Purple Turtle - every child needs one.

(written on a toy stand)

- seen in Landmark, Kolkata

Ivy League

Crèche and Kindergarden for children.

(self-explanatory)
--seen off the E.M.Bypass, between the Park Circus and Kasba connector

Go gay the milky way.

(Advertising slogan for Marie biscuits)

-seen in various publications

-"How do you fit four Prime Ministers inside a car?"
-"Two in the front, two at the back."
-"How do you fit five Prime Ministers in the car?"
-"Two in front, two at the back, and Rajiv Gandhi in an ashtray."

(snippet of scathing wit from a lounging group of Our Country's Future)
--overheard at Forum, Elgin Road.

Octopus thrice a week.

(Bengali graffiti on outer wall of single-storey house)

--seen in side street off P.G.H.Shah Road

-- "What do you call three cups of tea?"
-- "...?"
-- "Cha cha cha."

(One of Kanti's numerous random tea jokes)

heard over coffee at Monida's canteen, JU

EES EOUR TOOTHS STRONGAAR THAN MY FEEST???!!! *growlish background score*

(Exchange in a Calcutta tin-bus fight)

- heard near Deshapriya Park.

Trinamool, Padma phool.
Before election, beuatiful.
After election, April fool.

(Election related graffiti)

-seen off Gurusaday Road, Kolkata

Bankura sohorrey Booby asee-chey! Lach-lachi tey Rissi Kapur, dholla-dholi tey Dim-paull . Bisess akorsson! Bisess akorsson! Leddiss der jonno pissup er alada byabostha achchi!

(Translation: Bobby is coming to Bankura. Dirty dancing, Rishi Kapoor! Steamy sex, Dimple! Special atraction!!! Special attraction!!! There's a separate place for women to piss!)

(Movie promotional campaign)

-heard in Bankura

...TMC candidate, Mamata Banerjee

Press this botom.

(Election-related Graffiti)

-seen near Rabindra Sarobar, Kolkata

Aamir Khan coming in your town with rang de Basanti.

(Addendum to movie poster)

-seen all over Kolkata

Meri Dez

Flower Boutique
and
Property Law Consultants & Real Estate Agents

(Shopfront Hoarding)

- seen in Kolkata

...it is worse than fornicating with your mother 71 times.

(Segment from a religious sermon)

-Overheard on the way to O'Hare Airport, Chicago

"You have a folder marked 'Sania Mirza MMS'!"

"In anticipation."

(Conversation snippet)

- Heard in Bangalore

Hottest little toy for women who want more... email me at orgasmtoy@gmail.com

(Words on a sticker pasted to the wall of a Metro rake)

- Seen in the Kolkata Metro

...we have an empty room. And when I say "room", I mean an object that satisfies all possible criteria in order to be considered a room...

(Conversation between a professor and a student)

- Heard at IIT, Kharagpur