WHY BE UGLY?

WE DO YOU WELL.

- (painted outside a Salon in Moulali)

What do you call a gay caveman with a massive hard-on?

A Homo-erectus.

- (heard in Bangalore)

Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?)

I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

The girl with the mirror please comes here...(mirror = specs)

You, meet me behind the class. (behind = after)

Sorry I am late, because on the way my car hit 2 muttons ( muttons= goats)

This college strict u the worry not .... U get good marks, I the happy, tomorrow u get good job, jpr the happy, tomorrow u marry I the enjoy

No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police

Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today...

All of you stand in a straight circle.

There is no wind in the balloon.

You, rotate the ground four times...

You, go and understand the tree...

You three of you stand together separately.

Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre

Both of u three get out of the class.

Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....

Take 5 cm wire of any length....

-(the curious language of Mr. Jeppiar, Chairman of Sathyabama Engineering college -- btw, he always speaks in English.)

"If con is the oppsite of pro..Congress is the opposite of Progress"

-(A gem from Abhishek Haldar)

Cholonto dhaatu

- heard at IIT Kanpur from Hall 5 jonota

(Progressive Rock, ie.)

Drinking Kills
Driving Skills.

- (Chennai Traffic Police )

Driving Rash
Leads to Crash.

- (Chennai Traffic Police)

but still u have good amarphous appel in ur photo

- (Seen on an Orkut scrapbook.)

Luck is the by-product of busting your fanny.

- (Fortune cookie philosophy)

“SAMAD HOTEL – Guest Rooms Available”

- (At a crossing on Radhakrishan Salai, Chennai)

(You were expecting … ?)

Dhora porley Dhononjoy..naah porley enjoy.

-(SMS text msg)

DO NOT SIT ON STEPS. ALLOW OLD/ ILL PERSON AND CHILDREN TO TRAVEL ALONE.

- (Safety guideline for using escalator. Seen at Esplanade Metro Station.)

PEACH
Only liquid soap
Made from pure coconut oil

- (On a bottle of Fem Soft Gentle Soap)

Jaata obostha...oshomoy-ey maa hoyey gelum.

(In dire straits, have gained motherhood at wrong age)

- (Friend's sister, calling up home from Delhi after M.A. exams)

Oil pulling

- (standard board outside shops extracting edible oil, seen in Chennai)

Your satisfaction we do.

- (seen outside a supermarket in Chennai)

Gay Travels

-(seen in Chennai on Nungambakkam High Road)

HOTELDURGAPURINNBARANDRESTAURANT

-(seen in Calcutta?)

“Priya Shoe Garden”

- (shop in Purulia)

Buy Mother Teresa momento here. Battery, film roll,...

-(sign outside a shop in Moulali)

INOX
Clean hall
In your hands

- (Displayed on screen before the start of a film at Inox, Forum.)

Allow older pedestrians more time to cross the street. They are more likely to die as a result of a crash than younger pedestrians.

- (California Drivers Handbook. Innocuous?)

Show-case-e bhodrolok
Godown-e goonda

- (From political campaign poster pasted on a JU canteen wall.)

"Cars for Golf Green keep straight".

(Which is fine, except that it's at the neck of a T-junction.)

-(Lake Gardens Flyover, northern end)

Sova Restaurant
our only assets are comfort and sympathy

- (seen somewhere around bhowanipore)

1843
Gangman are
VERY UNITED
DRM mind it

-(political poster outside Kharagpur railway station)

This snap.

- rock on baby

(the guy, btw, is New York Dolls' vocalist David Johansen)

She turns me on.

- (A 48 year old man on why he prefers Mallika Sherawat to Aishwarya Rai(Radio City 91 F.M))

What's the secret of your energy? Do you have a big harem?

-(Reedy 50-ish desi gentleman to Rahul Ram, bass guitarist of Indian Ocean, at Los Altos, CA)

(response, after a pause: "I wish").

Chicken
Hard/Matured,
Young and Cornish
Available

- (seen at a Bengali grocery in the Bay Area.)

Is it just me...?

Perhaps this entire blog qualifies ...

“God is love. Fixed price.”

(Saree shop in Gariahat)
(Asha Saree Centre, if you must know)

HE SHE

(sign outside toilets at ETV Bangla Studios in Taratala)

"No Fishing Allowed"

(Sign at Bike n Barrel - A Chennai Pub)

Andhaker raatey ghorer koney nibrito bhalobasaa
oooh oooh aah aah aah
Aar Nei kono Bhasha

“Mentors Coaching Academy – in persuit of excellence”
Long chase ahead.

(Southern Avenue opposite Nazrul Mancha)

On the streets of Calcutta there are many types of vehicles: cars, buses and jeeves.

-- when asked to write a short note on a certain gentleman's gentleman, in a JU Dept. of English entrance exam

Diana is the goddess of haunting.

-- English Literature exam answerscript

"run d m c
i want to pee"
"pepe-choda" (papaya fucker)

- seen on the back of two seats in a kullu bus, in bengali no less

Biyebaarir doi, Banglar koi;
Shobai kheye bole, bor-bou koi?

(A Classic Case of Death By Translation)

(Sales pitch for 'Dushtur Mishti Doi', sweet-yougurt flavoured candy)

--'candyman' on Route 234, Calcutta

Entering and playing by non-authorized persons is strictly prohibited.

- Notice posted at Gate No. 3, Jadavpur University.

Get the field out of the boys

The principyal iz oscillating in the coridyor

Myam myam, I want [to talk to] you
**Extremely stern look in return**

-Calcutta Boys' School folklore

Geek I: I fucked your theorem prover.

Geek II: Was it 3-SATisfying?

- CMU toilet

Pan & Birrih Shop

(Picture of said shop)

Safety Matches
Made in Sweden

- Seen on a T-shirt

The way you laugh..
..It makes my heart flutter
but I choose not to fall for that Venus Flytrap.

Why can't my son answer the English deparment admission test in Bengali?

(insistent parent)

- heard at Presidency College, Kolkata

Is it absolutely necessary for my daughter to come for her admission test herself?

(asked by confused parent trying to submit admission form)

- heard at Presidency College, Kolkata

Where can I find the respective department?

(asked by confused parent trying to submit admission form)

- heard at Presidency College, Kolkata

"Go see a shrimp!"

-helpful advice from a friend over MSN.

Aatyohatya.

Ekti Naarir joley jhapiye aatyohatyaar prayash.
....Jhopaaaaaaassssssshhhh.

(Post Modern Bengali Poetry)

- Heard in Lake Gardens.

1. A student's leave letter :
"As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class...."
---------------------------------------------

2. A candidate's application :
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past several years and I can handle both, I am applying for the post."
---------------------------------------------

3. I.T.I., Bangalore:
An employee applied for leave as follows :
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave. "
---------------------------------------------

4. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows :
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
---------------------------------------------

5. A leave letter to the headmaster :
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
---------------------------------------------

6. An incident of a leave letter :
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
---------------------------------------------

7. Another leave letter written to the headmaster :
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day. "
---------------------------------------------

8. A covering note :
"I am enclosed herewith..."
---------------------------------------------

9. From H.A.L. Administration dept :
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
---------------------------------------------

10. Actual letter written for application of leave :
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
---------------------------------------------

11. Letter writing :
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
---------------------------------------------

12. Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding :
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

(a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India)

- received by email

Display on butcher's window:

Let me meat your needs.

- On an AIM matchbox

WHEN U ALREADY START READING THIS DONT STOP OR ELSE SUMTHIN BAD WILL HAPPEN ..... MY NAME IS TEDDY...I AM 7 YEARS OLD WITH BLONDE HAIR AND SCARY EYES. I HAVE NO NOSE OR EARS. I AM DEAD. IF U DO NOT SEND THIS TO 15PPL IN THE NEXT 5 MIN., I WILL APPEAR TONIGHT BY YOUR BED WITH A KNIFE AND KILL YOU. THIS IS NO JOKE SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO U TONIGHT AT 10:22. SOMEONE WILL CALL U OR TALK TO U ONLINE AND SAY I LOVE YOU. DONT BREAK IT...

-- received on Yahoo! Messenger

Meet the Fuckers

Fucking It Up For The Next 4 Years!

- Under a picture of Cheney, Rice and Bush

(On a T-shirt on sale in San Fransisco )

Credit: Expiring_Frog

For lovers who will leave no stones unturned!

Patthar ke Sanam!!!

Passionate Jewellery.

(Billboard for The Gold Factory)

--seen from the Dhakuria flyover.

Enquire inside for permanent positions

Available positions

TEMPS

-- seen at an employment agency in Ipswich, UK

You may commit nuisance here.

--seen outside a makeshift public urinal in Shillong

In society, ladies first
In plant , safety first

--seen at the BRPL plant in Bongaigaon, Assam

Welcome - Banging Area

--seen at the BRPL plant in Bongaigaon, Assam

It is fine to drive over Zebra Crossing when pedestrian is crossing.

--seen on a guideline from the Indian Motorways Department in a cab in Shillong

Sex Power Fail !!! Enquire Dr. XXX having 20 years experience

seen on a poster in Shillong

Drive Slowly - Someone is wetting for you at home

--seen on a highway in Assam

On Emergency Milk Duty.

(cardboard sticker in front of a dirty white ambassador)

--seen on the E.M.Bypass.

The New My Shop

(English sub-title)
Allthing Aveluble!

(In large Bengali fonts in front of a stationery goods + paan-birir dokan )

- seen at Belghoria, in the North 24 Parganas

Electricity theft is a crime. Do not be a hooker.

(Placards put up by the C.E.S.C.)

- seen all over Calcutta

WELL DRESS

S.T.D./ I.S.D./ Xerox

(Sign outside a shop)

-seen on Babubagan Lane, Kolkata

(front)

Do you know who I am...

(back)

G.O.D.

Biplab From G.O.D

(and in a corner near the hem of the kurta):

G.O.D. - Garden Of Death

(On a kurta with a hand painted typically Bangali rural scene with a cottage and a taal gachh and Flash Gordon.)

-seen in Kolkata

Eat + Drink + Man + Woman ... followed by telephone number (available on request)

(sign)

- seen at Central Business District, Shanghai

"Absence & indecent behaviour ... will be taken action against"

(sign)

- seen at East Gate, Central Park, Salt Lake

No Smoking Penalty Rs. 200.

(Sign on Railway Station)

- seen at Tikiapara, West Bengal

New Masuca Parlour

Jobs related to Beauty done here.

( sign for all to behold)

- seen on Babubagan Lane, Kolkata

Chetla Foot Club

(Painted under a Hanuman shrine)


-seen in Chetla, Kolkata

"zehr hai ki pyaar hai tera chumma"

(Lyrics to a Bollywood number)

-heard all over India, circa 1995

Eco-Stat-Maths.

Carrier-oriented course.

(Newspaper advertisement placed by Bhawanipur College, Kolkata)

-seen in The Telegraph, Calcutta

Staff only.

(Tacked on to the branch of a solitary tree)

- seen along the Kona expressway, West Bengal

Tomake partei hobey, manob.

Tomake ghorar dim partei hobey.

(Yet again)

- why bother

It is far better to be pissed off than to be pissed on.

(an all-time classic from the Beatnik Baba)


- heard in La Martiniere, 8 years ago

People tell you to trust your gut feeling; until you realise that your gut has no feeling.

(more pearls of wisdom from the Beatnik Baba)

- does it matter?

The mind is like a drunken monkey. If you titillate it, it wants to get higher.

(by the Beatnik Baba)

- anywhere

They are not dead...
They are alive for you in the gunpowder...LIKE BURNING STICKS!!!

(Promotional message for the recently-concluded JU Arts Faculty elections)

-seen inside Gate Number 4, Jadavpur University

There Is Something Black In The Yellow Lentil Soup.

(Book title under 'Indian Fiction')
-seen at Landmark, Lord Sinha Road.

Purple Turtle - every child needs one.

(written on a toy stand)

- seen in Landmark, Kolkata

Ivy League

Crèche and Kindergarden for children.

(self-explanatory)
--seen off the E.M.Bypass, between the Park Circus and Kasba connector

Go gay the milky way.

(Advertising slogan for Marie biscuits)

-seen in various publications

-"How do you fit four Prime Ministers inside a car?"
-"Two in the front, two at the back."
-"How do you fit five Prime Ministers in the car?"
-"Two in front, two at the back, and Rajiv Gandhi in an ashtray."

(snippet of scathing wit from a lounging group of Our Country's Future)
--overheard at Forum, Elgin Road.

Octopus thrice a week.

(Bengali graffiti on outer wall of single-storey house)

--seen in side street off P.G.H.Shah Road

-- "What do you call three cups of tea?"
-- "...?"
-- "Cha cha cha."

(One of Kanti's numerous random tea jokes)

heard over coffee at Monida's canteen, JU

EES EOUR TOOTHS STRONGAAR THAN MY FEEST???!!! *growlish background score*

(Exchange in a Calcutta tin-bus fight)

- heard near Deshapriya Park.

Trinamool, Padma phool.
Before election, beuatiful.
After election, April fool.

(Election related graffiti)

-seen off Gurusaday Road, Kolkata

Bankura sohorrey Booby asee-chey! Lach-lachi tey Rissi Kapur, dholla-dholi tey Dim-paull . Bisess akorsson! Bisess akorsson! Leddiss der jonno pissup er alada byabostha achchi!

(Translation: Bobby is coming to Bankura. Dirty dancing, Rishi Kapoor! Steamy sex, Dimple! Special atraction!!! Special attraction!!! There's a separate place for women to piss!)

(Movie promotional campaign)

-heard in Bankura

...TMC candidate, Mamata Banerjee

Press this botom.

(Election-related Graffiti)

-seen near Rabindra Sarobar, Kolkata

Aamir Khan coming in your town with rang de Basanti.

(Addendum to movie poster)

-seen all over Kolkata

Meri Dez

Flower Boutique
and
Property Law Consultants & Real Estate Agents

(Shopfront Hoarding)

- seen in Kolkata

...it is worse than fornicating with your mother 71 times.

(Segment from a religious sermon)

-Overheard on the way to O'Hare Airport, Chicago

"You have a folder marked 'Sania Mirza MMS'!"

"In anticipation."

(Conversation snippet)

- Heard in Bangalore

Hottest little toy for women who want more... email me at orgasmtoy@gmail.com

(Words on a sticker pasted to the wall of a Metro rake)

- Seen in the Kolkata Metro

...we have an empty room. And when I say "room", I mean an object that satisfies all possible criteria in order to be considered a room...

(Conversation between a professor and a student)

- Heard at IIT, Kharagpur